Relationships

I have been in a long-distance relationship since my M1 year, and I am now at the end of my clerkship year in M3. It is definitely feasible to have a fulfilling long-distance relationship if you are willing to put in the effort! During my M1 year, I took several long weekend trips and a few of the scheduled breaks to visit my partner in California, and he would intermittently come visit me as well. We always had a lot of fun going back and forth, even though it was kind of a long journey. During clerkship year, he has had to do more of the travel, which is luckily doable because he has a somewhat flexible job, but I have still been able to take a handful of trips to see him. I am so grateful to have him supporting me during med school, even if he is not always physically by my side.

I arrived at WashU Med worried that I’d need to choose between my relationship and medical school, but so far, I haven’t had to make that choice. While everyone’s situation will be unique, my spouse and I have found it easy to stay connected during these first few months of medical school. I anticipate that this may be more challenging in my third year when my schedule is more unpredictable.

It also helps that my class at WashU Med is one of the most welcoming and friendly groups of students that you’ll find anywhere. At student social events, we’re rarely the only couple with a non-medical partner present. If you’re married and considering WashU Med, you and your partner will be welcome in the student community.

Moving with a partner who is not in medical school to come to St. Louis and support you while you work toward your dreams is a very unique and special experience. It is nice to come home from school and have something else to talk about besides how classes are and what big test is coming up. I was worried that my partner, who moved to be with me, would be bored while I was busy with my schoolwork, but St. Louis is a very vibrant city with lots of free things to do and hidden places to explore that keeps us both busy. In the first few weeks, it was hard to tell what events I should bring my partner to, and sometimes I felt like I was missing out on some of the events and experiences that my single friends were going to. However, WashU Med has a great group for medical students and their plus-ones where I found a community of people who understood what I was going through. Now, some of my best friends I have here in St. Louis are the partners of my medical friends, and my partner has even made friends with a lot of my classmates!

Whether you are chronically or acutely single, let me share a little about flying solo in med school.

For those WANTING TO STAY SINGLE:
Firstly, I want to emphasize that being single is absolutely fantastic, and this is coming from a hopeless romantic. Embrace the chaos and wonderful unpredictability that is med school life. Take this time to get to know yourself better, develop new skills, explore St. Louis, party with peers, get a fluffy cat (I did), and fully savor the joy of independence. Your time is yours … and that’s pretty fantastic.

For those NOT WANTING TO STAY SINGLE:
Now, let’s talk about the dating scene. While it may be improbable that you will find romance wandering the hospital halls or in class (you’ll end up loving your peers like family anyway), anything is possible. Do not fear; St. Louis County has 1 million people … ~140,000 aged 20-30. If 50% are single, that’s ~70,000 eligible bachelors and bachelorettes! There’s a whole city out there filled with amazing, interesting people. My recommendation is to explore city events, join clubs, visit bars, and attend concerts. And don’t forget, there’s always Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder (study tip — treat yourself to a few swipes every 50 or so Anki cards). If you’re ready to get the ball rolling on your love life, you certainly can!

Regardless of whether you choose to stay single or seek a relationship, make sure to embrace your singleness, enjoy the journey, keep an open heart, and have fun along the way! As the great Miley Cyrus once put it, “It ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side, it’s the climb.”

Moving to a new city with a partner beginning their medical school journey can be a new and exciting experience, but it also comes with some questions about what this new experience means for you as a partner. I have found that the incoming class of medical students has been welcoming to partners and has provided opportunities to explore friendships both independently and with my partner. Additionally, the city of St. Louis has plenty of events and activities that provide opportunities to meet new people and explore the city (especially during the summer!) which is great for getting a good feel for the area and finding activities to do more consistently throughout the year. As a partner of a medical student, there will definitely be times when your partner is swamped with studying for tests, shadowing, classes, and whatever else medical students find on their plates. Although they are busy, it is still easy enough to find time to spend with your partner, but because of the structure of classes and tests, their busyness comes in about three-week stints. The times where your partner is busy can also give you time to pursue your own hobbies and interests as well.

Let me begin by saying that regardless of whether you are looking to date someone or not, I think it’s very important to find support systems both inside and outside of med school. As classes, studying, and involvements pick up, there can be moments where medicine can feel all-consuming — especially when the people around you are going through it too. Outside of the amazing friends and mentors I’ve found here, my partner has been one of my biggest cheerleaders! I love telling him about my day and listening to his stories about policy school. Our conversations always remind me to touch grass and reconnect with myself and the world outside of medicine! I really appreciate that he brings a fresh, non-medical perspective whenever I need advice, and he holds me accountable in maintaining a work-life balance. He also lets me practice clinical exams on him all the time so he can get “free healthcare.”

Like in any relationship, open communication and flexibility have been key for us in navigating the differences in our schedules/routines and will continue to be as I enter the clinical space. While it’s not always easy, it’s been a very special experience that I cherish. 🙂

I can only speak to my experience, but I hope that all of you readers also find people outside of medicine (romantic or not) who support you, challenge you to grow, embrace your authentic self, and make you feel safe and happy.